Is Kissing Necessary in a Romantic Relationship?

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A new cross-cultural study finds that when it comes to romantic and sexual relationships, the kiss is far from a universal behaviorKylie Gilbert | Jul 31, 2015



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Like smiling or laughing, kissing is often referred to as a primitive, human universal—that is, a trait, behavior, or cultural feature found in all human societies. Everyone locks lips to express their love and affection for their partner, right?

Not so fast. Researchers from the University of Nevada and Indiana University have discovered that the ‘romantic-sexual kiss’ is far from ubiquitous. In fact, it’s used as a display of affection in a minority of cultures—and actually considered gross by some. (But there are Scientifically-Proven Ways Kissing Makes You Healthy)
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In the study, which was published in American Anthropologist, researchers analyzed 168 cultures that spanned a wide range of geographical locations, historical backgrounds, and social structures over the course of a year. They found romantic kissing was only present in 77 places (that's just 46 percent!). Even more surprising was the fact that smooching your sweetie was completely non-existent in some cultures—91 of them, to be exact (that's more than those who were in favor of it!).

When broken down by cultural area, the researchers found romantic kissing present in 100 percent of the Middle Eastern cultures studied, 73 percent of Asian cultures, 70 percent of European cultures, and 55 percent of North American cultures. Shockingly, they found no presence of romantic kissing in Central America.


“Like other romantic and sexual behaviors, while kissing may be a way to communicate intimacy in some societies or may function as a specific eroticized activity in others, it is important to note that for quite a few kissing is seen as unpleasant, unclean, or simply unusual,” the study concludes.

The study authors also report that the more socially complex a society is—defined by denser populations, social classes, and centralized political leadership—the higher the frequency of romantic–sexual kissing.


“We suspect that perhaps Western ethnocentrism—that is 'the belief that a behavior currently deemed pleasurable must be a human universal'—may be driving the common misconception that romantic–sexual kissing is a (near) universal,” the study authors conclude.
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That's not to say that we should discount the value kissing has on our romantic relationships. After all, research showskissing activates the release of the lovey-dovey hormones dopamine and oxycotin, which help to promote feelings of affection and closeness. We should, however, remember it's not as normative as we might think, and clearly there are other ways to express love worldwide other than just brushing lips. For more on what goes on with our bodies when we swap saliva, see Your Brain On: A First Kiss.

How the Pill Impacts Your Relationship

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Some research indicates the partner you pick, and how happy you are with him, could be influenced by your use of the Pill.Markham Heid


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You’ve been with him for years and you couldn’t be happier. In fact, you and Mr. Right are planning to start a family. But what if Mr. Right morphed into Mr. Wrong the moment you stopped taking the Pill? That may sound nuts. But recent scientific evidence raises some potentially scary "what ifs" when it comes to oral contraceptives and the guy you end up with.

RELATED: The Most Common Birth Control Side Effects

“Some really interesting research has found that women's mate preferences change across their menstrual cycles,” says Lisa Welling, Ph.D., a psychologist at Oakland University who has studied the effects of birth control on a woman’s choice of partner. Specifically, Welling says some women who don't use hormonal contraception have a heightened sense of attraction toward ultra-masculine guys during stages of peak fertility—but that shift isn't seen among women using hormonal contraceptives. “This suggests that the hormonal contraceptive pill may alter, at least to a small extent, what traits women find appealing in a partner."

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Plus, consider this: A U.K. study found women tend to prefer the scents of men who have immunity genes different from their own. Your nose and brain can pick up on scent-based genetic info even though you’re not aware of it, says Sheril Kirshenbaum, author of The Science of Kissing. And it makes sense that you’d feel attracted to men with unfamiliar immunity genes—in terms of offspring, your kids will have more protection from a wider array of diseases if you and your partner have a dissimilar genetic profile, she explains. But here’s the shocker: Women on hormonal contraceptives tend to go for guys with genetic profiles similar to their own, the U.K. study shows.

Exactly how might the Pill mess with your choice of man? As the name suggests, hormonal contraceptives work by changing your body’s levels of hormones like estrogen and progesterone, Welling explains. While this is fine if your goal is to avoid having children, these hormones play a part when it comes to your sex drive and the type of guy you’re attracted to, she says. These hormones may even affect your self-esteem and jealousy levels, Welling explains—though she’s quick to point out that, at this point, this is speculative.


So what happens if you stop taking the Pill—will you suddenly be not so attracted to your guy? “More research is needed,” Welling stresses. But some experiments have shown that women who use birth control (compared to those who don't) report being less attracted to their man. Kirshenbaum adds: “This kind of data could explain why so many couples see things not work out around the time the woman goes off birth control. There’s not hard evidence of a connection. But it’s suspected.” Because, remember, after you're off the Pill, who you're attracted to could change. (Crazy!)


What’s also not clear, according to Welling, is whether different hormonal contraceptives affect mate preference in different ways, or how severe this shift can be from one woman to the next. If you're worried, talk with your doctor about the side effects of your specific contraception. And if you're considering marriage or a family—and not taking birth control for any health-related issues—you may find taking a break from hormonal birth control, and temporarily using other effective contraceptive methods, to be helpful, Welling says.
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Chances are good, though, that you’ll still feel head over heels about your man.